Onward and Upward!

It’s kind of surreal that this once dreaded thing is over and I’m sitting here a week post-op one huge step closer to having a baby! I freaking did it!!!

The surgery itself went divinely well, my doctors couldn’t have been more pleased and from the moment I got to the hospital to the time I was discharged the next day, it was a really sweet and redemptive experience. What I can remember of it anyway….I had a lot of narcotics running through my IV :)

We arrived at the hospital in Red Bank, NJ at 5:15 A.M. for my scheduled surgery at 7:30. I didn’t sleep a wink that night, just The Office re-runs while I baby sat the clock and prayed for time to move faster.

Everything moved pretty quickly once we arrived. But before I was wheeled off to the operating room, Ryan prayed softly in my ear, his face snuggled up to mine and he thanked me for doing this for him and for our family. He told me how proud he was of me and that soon, because of my sacrifice, we would have a baby. I cried. He said everything my heart needed to hear, and I felt like I was able to give my husband a child, even if I couldn’t carry it myself. I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have him by my side.

I woke up hours later and immediately looked down at my abdomen anxious to see my incision. It turned out they couldn’t do the surgery laparoscopically, so they ended up making one large cut at the base of my pelvis, in the same place one would be operated on for a C-section.

Shortly after I was wheeled one floor up to an available room in post partum. I was so excited to be spending the night there with the sound of babies crying echoing in the hallways and found my assigned resting place incredibly appropriate for the occasion. Ryan and my aunt were there waiting for me and I’ll never forget the look on his face as I was carted in; beaming with pride…

View from my room 

After a choppy nights sleep filled with pain and a nurse coming in to check my vitals every few hours, I was discharged early afternoon the next day and we headed home!

I sooo wish I could stop here and say that recovery has been a breeze and I’m back living normal life again, but truth is, things got pretty hairy later that night.

I had resumed eating a semi-normal diet that morning after nothing but clear liquids the day before. I felt close to no nausea and although before I left the hospital my nurse listened to my intestines and said they seemed “a little slow,” she didn’t think much of it and either did I. That night at home I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up. I dreaded even the thought of it and hoped for a false alarm. I never throw up….It had been 10 years at least since the last time it happened. But sure enough, up came everything I had ate that day and I wailed between hurls and held my incision as each release felt like the slice in my pelvis was going to burst open.

I sighed with relief once it was over and we figured it was just a side effect of the anesthesia, which is common. Three hours later it happened again, fiercely, and every 3 hours after that all through the night. I was getting weaker and weaker, and couldn’t even keep water down. I felt and looked severely dehydrated and we knew I would need to get back to the hospital for an IV.

Our doctor recommended we try and get back to the Red Bank, NJ emergency room, so I braved the hour long car ride with a bowl in my lap and made it there without incident.

When we arrived I was on my last leg, I didn’t have an ounce of energy left in me and felt like I was on the verge of both throwing up and passing out…simultaneously. The ER staff was slow to get me help, even after several persistent and strong attempts from my dear husband, and at some point…I just lost it.

First there were tears and then intense hyperventilation coupled with severe dehydration, tachycardia, and electrolyte imbalance and next thing I knew my body starting reacting to the drop in carbon dioxide and rise in blood PH from my over breathing in the scariest, most intense sensations I had ever experienced in my life. At that point I was screaming profanities at the top of my lungs, under the sincere impression that I was dyeing. I had no idea that the electrifying vibrations running through my body, carpopedal spasms in my hands, feet, and face leaving me, what I thought to be paralyzed, and the invisible elephant sitting on my ribs was a reaction to my labored breathing and lack of fluids. My arms were contorted like chicken wings and face drooped around my mouth. I had never experienced anything like it in my life.

Once I got vocal and starting exhibiting symptoms, I finally got some help. They rushed me to a bed and had me hooked up to several screens, heart monitors, an IV, and oxygen within 60 seconds.

I won’t speak much to the rest of the time I spent in that room. It was such a surreal and very personal experience that I am still trying to process and understand. I will say that it’s really strange the things you think of when you believe you are dyeing; scene from Fight Club, California coast line, me jogging with a double stroller filled with twins…I wish I could say I had an overwhelming peace and imagined Jesus welcoming me into His kingdom, but I didn't. This scene was raw, messy, and unrestrained, and only later did my soul begin to sing the sweet songs that have carried me through many perils past. I wish it didn't go that way, but it did. 

I was stable in minutes, but the symptoms carried on for a while after. Hours later I was hydrated and feeling back to normal physically, but very emotional from what I had experienced. The next step was figuring out the root of what got me there in the first place: my uncontrolled vomiting. I was sent in for x-rays and CAT scans of my abdomen, all of which came back normal. My doctor later explained that my intestines had just not “waken up” yet from surgery and were not contracting or able to push food down, also known as Ileus.

I stayed a night in the hospital unable to take anything by mouth and was discharged the next day with the instructions to stay on a clear liquids diet for 2 days and slowly progress from there to juices, broths, pureed foods, and then easily digestible solids. And no pain meds, as this would exasperate the problem. That was 7 days ago.

Recovery has been long and hard. I have now progressed to eating steamed veggies, soup, and crème of rice. I haven’t seen the sky in a week and have spent 98% of my time in bed. BUT… I am getting stronger and able to do more everyday, my incision looks great and the pain is very manageable. I am blessed.

Whew…that was not fun to write and I almost didn’t do it. Mostly because I’m grumpy haha….but this happened and once I’m up walking around again and eating hamburgers I will be able to fully rejoice in the fact that this part of our journey is over and we can move on to exciting new steps ahead!