Breastfeeding without Birthing

Inducing lactation has given me such a sense of purpose in this season of rest and recovery. I’m not getting a lot done these days, and that’s okay. I’m still healing from mold toxicity from our old home (more about that here), and a Lyme infection passed onto me by a punk ass tick. The combination of these two things has left me with a tiny tiny fraction of the energy and stamina I’m used to having- so I spend a lot of time CHLLIN. I keep my schedule as bare as possible and I’m taking a break from anything “extra” in my life, even the extras I love! Which is hard. And while the world still demands more from me than I have the capability to give at the moment, pumping asks very little of me-just lots of time (which I have plenty of), determination, and commitment.  It makes me feel productive in a time when I am doing almost nothing except self-care (yoga, coffee enemas, detox baths, meditation, food prep, etc.) I am making nourishing milk for my baby! And that’s more than enough productivity for me.

So how’s it going? On an emotional level, I am LOVING it. On a good day, I pump 8-10 times a day for 15-20 minutes at a time (it’s a full-time job). My insurance amazingly covered my breast pump, so naturally I got the best one I could find. I ended up with the Medela Pump in Style advanced breast pump. It retails for around $300.00 on Amazon and came with everything I needed to start pumping upon opening. I’ve set up a little “stew” station as I like to call it on my bed with my “pump pack” set up right next to me. I’ve gotten to know my pump pretty well over the last few weeks- in fact, it’s become my “breast friend!” That was so bad. I’m sorry. I use my pumping time to mindfully relax and meditate on motherhood, my daughter, and pay homage to the maternal spirit bubbling up inside of me in anticipation for my daughter’s arrival. And sometimes I just scroll through Instagram 😜 But I really do try to keep it a sacred time.

Upon recommendations from several blogs and informational posts online, I purchased a book called Breastfeeding without Birthing. I ATE up that book maybe faster than any piece of writing I’ve ever consumed. It spoke to me on so many levels, and genuinely changed my life.  The best part was it was written for ME! For the first time I didn’t have to mentally change the words in order to fit my situation, I didn’t feel out of place in this book or like the minority. It acknowledged and comforted my wounds and insecurities, and celebrated and empowered me as a mother. It was full of stories from moms who have successfully breastfed their babies and shared the most beautiful experience with their little ones while doing it.  One of the many things this book shared that resonated with me was how inducing lactation was kind of like our “pregnancy.” It was a labor of love driven by a deep maternal desire to grow, nurture, and bond with our babies. It said how breastfeeding kind of “leveled the playing field” for special mom’s like me.  I’m doing something that all the other mom’s can do-and suddenly my “broken “pieces don’t matter so much anymore. Inducing lactation has made me love and appreciate my body in a new and healing way. I have a sense of pride about what it can do, and I find myself cheering my body on internally and accepting it for exactly where it’s at in the moment.

I mean…wow! It feels like breakthrough in an area of me life I’ve been hacking away at for a long, long time. I am so grateful for this experience.

This book also assured me that regardless of how much or how little milk I produce; I am a SUCCESSFUL BREASTFEEDING MOTHER. All caps because after reading this, a thousand pounds of pressure was lifted off my chest. It explained how breastfeeding is just as much about nurturing your baby at the breast and facilitating a biological bond as it is about feeding. And regardless of how much milk you produce, every drop is worth gold to your child as it contains all of the same immune boosting, life giving properties as a drop of milk from a full breast. It’s a “breast half full perspective” and one I think so many moms can benefit from having, even those who have given birth but struggle with a low milk supply.

And then there are the parts where I just cried. And cried. And those were the parts about the “fourth trimester.” This is the idea that the first 3-months of a babies life are very much an extension of life in the womb for a baby. An extension that I get to be present for, every single second. It went through all the ways I can take the torch and carry on this precious time and “re-set” my babies start in life. Some of these include, co-sleeping, co-bathing, and my favorite, baby wearing. The book called baby wearing a “womb with a view,” and explained how it is much like a babies experience in utero. Sweetest words I’ve ever heard.  It’s an opportunity to feel like I am pregnant with Sienna, place my hands on top of my rounded belly, the belly I’ve always dreamed of, and feel the gentle movements and sways of my baby inside. UGH! The beauty of it is too real for me right now guys.

Wow, back to inducing lactation! So I am a few weeks in and seeing lots of positive changes in my nipples and breasts. My breasts feel fuller and nipples more erect and hard, and just yesterday I saw my first drops of milk, colostrum, or some kind of milky looking fluid!! What a sight to behold! I expect to see things flowing more steadily in another 3 weeks or so, and next week I will start incorporating lactation herbs. I am also doing breast massage as often as possible and a few other techniques outlined in the book. My nipples are sore and my boobs hurt, but nothing more than what I had anticipated.

I loved writing this. Thank you for listening! Gonna go pump now 😊