Shining Star

I find myself being a lot more private and guarded with our journey this time around. I’m not sure why that is, but it explains my lack of updating here. Maybe I’m afraid know one is listening, or maybe I’m afraid they are. It’s like you want people to care, but you want the right people to care, you know? And because we’ve been at this for years,truthfully I sometimes wonder if my little updates have become a bit redundant…they’re all about the same thing really-“Hey! We’re still trying to have a baby over here!” With some slight variations :)

But we did it! Again, we did it! This was such a drastically different experience than the one we had a year ago (almost to the day) all the way in Shrewsbury, NJ. Did we really live in New York City a year ago? Or was that all a really long drawn out dream? No...it was SO real. 

My fertility doctor, who came highly recommended by my sweet cousin, Nikki, and who uncoincidentally is worshipped on Yelp (literally), is a true saint disguised in scrubs. Her name is Aimee Eyvazzadeh, Aimee Eyva-what?? She goes by Aimee :) She is uncharacteristically disarming, relatable, says *shit during our meetings together, and told me my ovaries are cute. Yeah, she probably says that to every girl she sticks an ultrasound wand up her va-j-j, but it made me blush and I felt proud.

Want to know how great she is? Two nights before my scheduled egg retrieval, I’m required to give myself a “trigger shot” at a very very specific time in relation to my procedure, I was told to take this shot between 6 and 7 p.m. At 5:45 p.m., my dear husband and mix-ologist began preparing the syringe, something he has gotten quite skilled at over the years. But this time he pulled the back of the syringe out too far and the shot (which might as well have been liquid gold) spilled out all over the counter. OMG. The look on his face, sheer horror. Poor guy. While trying my best to be upset with him and not at him, I called Dr. Aimee, who was at home with her husband and three kids, and who is also pregnant I might add, and with a cracked voice holding back tears told her what happened. “Oh Fu*k,” she said. When your doctor drops the F bomb…

BUT! That woman was on it. She calmly told us to get in the car and start driving to her office in San Ramon (about an hour from where we live), and that she would get on the phone with the lab I was scheduled to get my eggs retrieved at to see if we could push my appointment back an hour so it correlated with my new trigger shot time.

An hour later we show up to her office, it was 7:30 p.m., it was dark, all the lights were off, and Aimee rolls up with no makeup, pajamas, and house slippers on to let us in. Minutes later she had personally given me and brand new trigger shot (that she didn't charge us for), I had a new appointment time, and all was well. Home girl came through.

That Sunday I awoke with the dawn and we headed to my appointment. The rain was plunging on our windshield, making my already anxious heart beat that much faster. Please God let us get there alive! All I could think about was the bundle of mature eggs I was carrying that I didn't want compromised by a fiery car wreck. 

We made it there and two hours later I woke up in a fog, thrilled to find out they were able to retrieve 5 eggs. That’s FIVE times what they got last time around, pretty good odds!

Over the next 2 weeks we would find out that 3 of those 5 eggs fertilized, 2 of those 3 embryos made it to blastocysts, and 1 of those 2 blastocysts came back as genetically normal. Still following?

That last test (the genetic test) was something we opted out of last time, because it’s a pricey addition to the already astronomical cost of fertility treatments. But we could not say no this time around. Our last embryo did not survive the unthawing process, likely because it was not genetically normal, and would have never been strong enough for a pregnancy. We did not want to risk the emotional and financial investment preparing for an IVF with an embryo that, in reality, will never result in a baby.

I am so grateful for this test. It not only told us that it’s genetically normal, but it told us the quality of the embryo, based on a grading system involving several different pieces of criteria predicting the likelihood of a viable pregnancy. Our little babe scored a 5AA-the highest and best quality possible. Thank you Jesus. A+++++!!! 

I don't like statistics when it comes to my destiny, numbers have no authority over my life! But, Aimee did say that with an embryo of this quality, or chances of a pregnancy are very very high :)

What's next? May 20^th our dear friend (another saint in our lives) will be getting the IVF, and shortly after that, Lord willing, we will get the best news of our lives, we’re going to be parents!!!

Much more to say, about processing, emotions, PTSD, healing, gratitude, faith, and apathy. But for now, this: thankfulness for our little shining star, and excitement for what's ahead :)